A Mental State

A Mental State

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A statement from the heart,
No exit! No entry! Stop!
Stuck in a bubble… no room for rewind…
Only one way to go, forward I guess.
Will you be there?

Closing eyes to catch a glimpse,
Emotional wrecks, we both are
I sure hope you will be there
Finding solace in each others arms.

©2018 Peinsejoager

A Mental StateA statement from the heart,No exit.png

Two Hearts

Wandering
Into an abyss
Finding comfort

Two hearts
Beating
Boom Boom Boom

Connecting
In the inner circle
Finding tranquility

Two hearts
Colliding
Boom Boom Boom

Walking
Down a path
Finding you

Two hearts
Embracing
Boom Boom Boom

Reaching
For your hands
Finding safety

Two hearts
Entwine
Boom Boom Boom

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Searching

Calling for you,
Deep down there,
In the corner of that soul,
Sensing the pain,
and the grief,
A bleeding heart,
That does not leave stains in the snow
Buried deep,
Where it feels,
You are not in control of your thoughts anymore

Go away… Leave me alone… PAIN
Stay out of my head… PAIN
You are not welcome anymore… PAIN

“Who would have thought you would try to get back in control?”

I am here… Fighting… 
…….. PAIN ………
Battling the pain away, igniting the fire…

“Who are you to think… (??)”

My thoughts are mine!
My feelings are mine!

Somewhere there is an end point,
Take my hand,
Guide me through this (     )
Hold me in your arms,
Safe to be here,
Protected from (    )
Somewhere there is a starting point…

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Peace

Can I have some solitude, please
Just for some days
Can I find some peace, please
Fighting that pain inside of me
Can I ask for your trust, please
Undeserved but sincere,

To hide from the light…

I need the space
I need the tranquility
I need the meditation
I need the peace

Needed it yesterday,
Need it today,
And certainly
Need it tomorrow…

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A Sparkle of…

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Can we design our dreams,
Express our thoughts…
(Never to get lost)
Should we submit to hope, for a modest moment
For pain to dissolve
(Some might say submit to faith)

Can we build that future,
With passion, fulfilling our desires
While being loved,
With heart and soul, grateful to the bone

Experience kindness, a feeling of empathy,
An act with dignity…
(So grateful you are here)
Appease, looking for peace,
Embracing your presence
(Casting eyes to the future)
I am shedding that pain, trying to…
(Some day) … (Soon)
Dropping these shackles,
(Fulfilling our destiny or some kind…)
To be released from this torment,

We shall stay true,
Committed to life… Together…

Version 3

A Story of…

A Story of…

Oh why this feeling, once more
Supposed to be something from the past
Never to appear again,
So I thought…

Spikes are back in the head, every day
A constant state of pain
Commencing at the break of dawn,
So I sense…

§

Is it worry?
Is it strain?
Or just another chapter in this game?

Must hold on
To the small things that matter,
Must be thankful
For what I receive and have,
And above all…
Must cherish and respect
Those close and care,

§

My heart belongs to you,
My wealth is my love for you,

§

While you calm my spirit with your kisses
And ease the discomfort with your touch
I search for the source
Hidden in the depths of my soul…

**%%&%%**

Version 2

Hurting

Why do we hurt the ones we love most?
Words of apologies should flood the gates,
Yet I have nothing to say…

Feelings of embarrassment, for sure…
Walking in a void, lost
Abandoned myself, forlorn…

Feelings of sadness, mostly that…
Oh yes, it is my own doing
Trapped in myself, lonely…

How do we find trust again?
When suspicion is ever present…
How do I come back to sanity?
While I drown in gloomy emotions…

Only with you, my dear…
Only together…
Only us…

Decisions

Expect the unexpected… so they say… I guess it means be ready for change. Be ready for things to happen and not necessarily for the good. Do we really have to? Is life so easily disrupted if you do not expect the unexpected? Even when you have that mindset of expecting the unexpected, unexpected things do happen and will happen. You never really can plan it, right?

There are moments that those unexpected things have a huge impact on what comes next in your life. You seek for something different, seek answers to questions you have and without realising you stepped into a roller coaster going high speed along a track to end where you never thought you would be. Nothing is the same. Everything is different… or so it seems…

We all make mistakes. We all do things planned or unplanned that seem right at the time, but end up being wrong. We atone for our mistakes. We say sorry if those mistakes affect people you care. No matter what you do, no matter how much you think about it, you will have to make decisions and those decisions affect people not just in a good way. Decisions can hurt people. They can hurt people you care about, you love. They can hurt people you hold dear, you like no matter how long you actually know them.

The road is never straight. Even when the design is straight, traveling on the road is never on a straight line. It swirls, it bends, it cries, it climbs, it descends… Each step forward makes you leave behind something and at the same time it gathers more experience to take with you. Sometimes it is hard to leave something behind. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes you loose something on the way and wish you didn’t. Sometimes you gain something or pick something up. That something is sometimes good and sometimes a burden.

Everything that happens when traveling the road has a purpose. We know that if we want to know it. We accept it more easily when it is good things happening to us. We have it more difficult to accept when things happen that are hard. Everything is an experience we learn from, or better said should learn from. We have the power to make the decisions in our lives if we want to. Every decision you take is yours to take and yours to carry with you. They are part of making you who you are as a person.

I am making decisions right now. Some of them scare me. Some of them give me a feeling of relieve, that finally I made them. Some decisions make me sad. Every decision though, is my responsibility and only I am accountable for them. No matter the impact on others, I carry the responsibility with me down on the road of the next chapter of my life. The next 1 to 2 years will be hard but with the love I receive I trust that all will be good. I trust in us. Thank you for your trust.

Memories

Looking out the window
A vast space in front of me
Thinking back when pain was felt
And fear was ever present
Remembering times of loneliness

Crawling into my soul
A dark place to be, not free
Reflecting on that night, a long time ago
Being in dismay and pain
Waking up in a foreign place

Staring into a void
A distance, far away
Meditating, searching for some peace
An effort to make sense of it all
Accepting, at least trying… for now

Glancing at a beam of light
A glimpse of hope
Listening to your voice
Leading me down the path,
To find purpose and strength